Category: Motherhood

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An awesome birth…

It was a tale of two births….

This is the awesome birth.

Often people are quick to share their stories of birth if they haven’t gone well.  I understand this, it’s good to talk and release, it can help us to heal and we need to heal and show ourselves compassion.

However on the flip side those people that had a fantastic birth experience shy away from telling their birth stories, fear of coming across as smug perhaps? Concern over sharing and making another women feel negatively about her birth.  It’s a tough one because we need to hear and reinforce the way birth can be for a woman in a positive way.  We have different experiences based on our individual circumstances and in my case I had two very different births.

I’m going to start by sharing my second birth which was one of the best experiences of my entire life.  Yes THE BEST. Better than my wedding day, better than standing under a waterfall at Milford Sound in New Zealand.  THE BEST.

I knew what I was capable of.  I prepared and planned.  I gave it a lot of focus because my first birth experiences was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done and did not go well.

My contractions started around midnight, I thought I’d try to sleep still but I couldn’t so I told my husband I was going downstairs.  When he casually said “OK. let me know if you need me” and stayed in bed I took my first empowered action and said “Yes, I do, I want you with me”.  I wanted a very different experience to my first and I needed to know my birth partner was with me, physically and mentally.  If he’d stayed in bed I would have felt alone and unsupported, this birth needed to be different in every aspect.

We put a comedy on TV to watch to pass the time and keep my oxytocin flowing, in between I’d be breathing through contractions, hubby timed the contractions.  I was pretty tired so I put my headphones in and started listening to one of the KG hypnobirthing relaxation tracks I’d been listening to every evening for the second half of my pregnancy.  Within a few minutes lying on the sofa I was asleep.  Waking up at the end of the audio 50 minutes later!  I’ve no idea if I was contracting or not, I was in a deep sleep however I suspect my whole body rested.  As I woke up and started moving around contractions started again.

I was very aware that I wanted to remain moving, again something else I teach in my classes and I was also very aware that my son, then 3 years old was in bed asleep.  I didn’t really want to give birth whilst he was in the house so I was quite happy with the pace labour was taking which was slow and steady.

After a while my husband suggested playing scrabble.  I am a geek who loves scrabble!  Haha!  My oxytocin (love hormone) must’ve had a good surge at this point. “Yay!  My hubby is a genius he must know me so well, I feel so loved, etc etc” So I continue to feel loved and like he’ll do anything for me… the best mindset to be in when it comes to our birth partner.  Labour continued, I’d pause playing the game when a contraction came, I was mostly on all fours using a dining chair to lean on, I would relax my entire body and breathe the gentle and powerful Golden Thread breathing technique I teach in my classes.  I felt very in confident knowing what my body was doing and why and I had no doubts about what my body was capable of.

I’d like to note on record that despite being in labour I still won the game of scrabble and the words on the board seemed to be a reflection of the vibe I was channelling! 😉

This is the actual game! (N.B Womb, exit, quiet, golden, grace, jaws and hubby’s contribution – Tits!)

After scrabble I wanted another nap so again I put my headphones in and had another 50 minute nap on the sofa!

When I woke up, contractions became more intense I recall speaking to the midwife on the phone to say I’m going to need someone here soon.  I’d tried to use a tens machine I’d borrowed only hubby had brought the wrong pads so instead of helping me like they had during my first labour I was getting an electric shock! Not helpful hubby, NOT helpful! Haha!  Luckily I went back to using my breath and I focused on my vision board, images and affirmations designed to encourage and help me.  I also had been gifted with a birthing pebble and a birthing necklace which was part of a ceremony and had a lot of significance.  This gave me knowledge of the connection I had with other women, those that had birthed before me and those that would birth in the future.  I appreciate this bit may be a bit woo for you!  Anyway it made me feel loved and supported, grounded and strong.

When I was entering transition and starting to get apprehensive, I made use of an homeopathic childbirth kit which someone had kindly lent to me, I’d looked at the kit a couple of times before and made a note of a few I thought I may need and why.  I started to take these based on what I was feeling, for example, fear or sudden doubt or worry about mine and my baby’s safety in labour.  It’s a great kit!

 

My son woke up and I was relieved because in the nicest possible way I wanted him out of the house so I would feel less inhibited.  I was holding my own progress back because I didn’t want to be concerned about him whilst in the last stages of labour.  The plan was for hubby to drop him off with family so they could take him to nursery.  Lucky for us they live a couple of roads away.  Hubby told him his baby brother was coming today and that I was downstairs.  He came down the stairs and said “Mummy is my baby brother coming today?” I said something like “Yes Sweetheart.” whilst breathing through another contraction.  He said “Ok, I love you mummy” and came over to give me a kiss.  Man, my heart melts just thinking of that moment!

When hubby returned home 10 minutes later I told him he needed to start filling the birthing pool.  He doubted me and thought it was too soon.  I was very firm and told him it wasn’t too soon and he needed to start filling it NOW.  I KNEW.  I KNEW WHAT MY BODY WAS TELLING ME.  No one else can feel what you feel, I felt it was nearly time.  It takes a while to fill a birthing pool and I wanted to him to get started.

When the midwife came an hour or so later I was dehydrated as I hadn’t drunk enough so I drank water and within 30 minutes I went to the loo two or three times.  The last time as I was crouched over the loo, an almighty ROWRRR sound came out of me, I felt myself fully dilate and I panicked thinking I was about to give birth to my baby in the downstairs loo!!  The midwife made a quick call saying something that must’ve been code for “Someone get your arse here now or I’ll be delivering this baby on my own!” She was excellent, so professional and calm as my husband and I did the slowest shuffle into my dining room where the birthing pool was set up.

In the pool my head was mostly resting on the side as I was on all fours.  Occasionally I had a wet flannel on my head to cool me down and a sip of water through a straw. I feel like the time I was in the birthing pool was about 20 minutes however it was over 2 hours.  My husband was a constant support, telling me how amazing I was, telling me I could do this, I was doing so well etc

I’m not sure how to describe this time… it was intense, it was powerful, it was gentle, it was slow and calm, it was strong, it was hot!  It was incredible.  I can’t say I gently breathed my baby down like some people might, yes I did “push”, it’s what my body wanted me to do.  Other than the one primitive noise I made when I’d fully dilated the rest of the time I was just focused on my breathing, in through my nose and slowly out through my mouth.

The second midwife arrived at some point and was there right at the very end.  Perfect timing.  The first midwife told me when he was nearly out and asked if I wanted to touch his him but I didn’t want to at that point, she said how wonderful he looked and how this was such a gentle amazing birth to watch.  Shortly after he was out and I turned as he was scooped up and onto my chest.  He cried in my face and it was the best sound I’ve ever heard, I laughed and I cried.  I had done it and he was here.  I loved him instantly, all the hormones were there I’d not had after my first birth. We had done it.  I knew this was really special, I knew this is the kind of experience more women should have.

 

This was two years ago.  4th August 2016.  This was the birth experience that had healed my first.

I’m incredible proud of myself and the journey I went on before this wonderful experience.  It’s all brought me where I am now and it has truly made me appreciate even more how women are courageous and how we have more power than we realise.  Not just in birth but in life.

So, wouldn’t it be wonderful if more people shared their empowering, positive, “I rocked my birth” kind of stories.  What impact could that have on other generations of women that will give birth in the future?  Instead of fearing birth we’re ready to embrace it alongside the knowledge we’ve sought to support that belief.  We have innate wisdom yet we also need to tap into the ancient knowledge that our women folk would have passed down from generation to generation which we have lost in more recent times.  We are designed for birth.  We are gentle warriors with so much untapped power.

Thank you for reading and I hope this inspires.

Clare

xx

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Fear of your power in life and birth

So fear can hold us back in life and during birth, do you fear your own power, strength and ability?  Do you understand what I mean by “your power”?

Do you find yourself holding back, or feel apprehensive about moving forward in a way that feels right for you?  Do you believe in yourself? Are you inclined to wait for permission or expect approval from someone, or maybe you don’t feel you can speak your truth?Sometimes we think about what we can’t do rather than knowing that we can.  This is not being in “our power”.

You are extremely capable and birth can be an opportunity for you to step into your power and realise just how gentle yet strong you are.

It’s understandable that in a situation that’s new to us we seek direction and knowledge from others.  Generations ago wisdom would have been passed down to us from our ancestors.  Now we’ve lost the close communities we used to live in, we’ve also lost some of that connection, some of that knowledge and in some cases we have allowed our minds to be filled with images from the media of birth, we have allowed ourselves to hear and believe that a negative birth experience for one woman overrides the celebration of the next woman who had a positive birth.  We’ve created in our mind a story about birth that is biased.

I empathise with women that have had a negative birth experience, it can be a real blow to our self esteem and start as a mother.  It can live with us for a long time and influence how we feel about our bodies and our abilities as a woman or a mother.  I was one of these women with my first birth and there are sadly many more.

However, this doesn’t mean we should shy away from listening or sharing positive birth experiences, of which I’m happy to share my second birth which was basically, perfect and beautiful and I was awesome! Haha! 🙂  These stories will inspire other women, let them know what’s possible, let them know they can feel the most empowered they have ever felt in their lives.  It can let other women know they are perfectly designed, they have created life, it can help more women understand their capabilities and not be scared.  We can encourage the next generation of women to trust in their abilities and strengths as woman if we allow ourselves to celebrate our successes.  Share the knowledge and rewrite the blueprint in our minds about birth and ALL that we are capable of.

If we consider how a lot of women are fearful of birth before even experiencing it, does this seem rational? It’s because we’ve learnt to fear birth from what is going on around us.  We fear pain because what we don’t understand is that if we feel pain during birth we don’t understand what our body is doing and these sensation, tightenings, your muscles contracting are all positive!  This is your body doing something INCREDIBLE!!

The more you allow yourself to relax and let your body do what it needs to do the less “pain” you will feel.  The more you can allow your body and mind to accept the process, the more you surrender to the way your body is birthing and tune in to the signals your baby and body are sending to your primitive brain the easier your birth can be.  Being relaxed, practicing breathing techniques to ease your baby into the world can enable you to feel empowered.  Your body is capable of more than you realise, we are the only mammal not to trust our bodies.

The waves, contractions, surges you experience can sometimes feel overwhelming at first however if we remember that this experience, these sensations, these tightenings, this intensity is all within you, the power you feel is not greater than you, the power you feel is you! 

Feel the power you have, be in awe of it, revel in it, feel liberated by experiencing your power!  

Yes, we are powerful beings.  You are what I call in my Pregnancy Yoga classes a “gentle warrior”.  The perfect balance between softness and strength.  Perfect.

The same is true in life and yet we seem to have forgotten.  We are powerful beyond measure.  When we truly step into our power as women and trust what our body, heart and mind tell us, we are capable of anything.

When we give birth, no matter how we do it we are bringing humans into the the world and we are frickin’ amazing and we must remindful that we each have our own journeys into motherhood.

So, regardless of the type of birth experience we have had or may have, always remember that we are perfect, we are amazing human beings, perfectly designed just as we are, we are mothers, we are women.  We must stop fearing our own power and embrace it.

With love

Clare

xx

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Your Brand V’s Your Postnatal Health

Postnatally we all want the same figure we had before our baby was born..

I need to let you know gently this is highly unlikely to happen. You may see celebrities losing their “baby weight” looking glam in beautiful dresses but at the risk of offending some people let’s think about this a bit more.

Celebrities are often a brand in themselves, it’s their business to sell a lifestyle, they get gifted stuff to promote, they get commission on promotions they run… I’m talking instagram type stuff…

They have to sell the dream.

Yet what are they sacrificing and why should we take it with a pinch of salt?

Celebrities that start post baby exercise routines very early on I feel are doing other women a disservice. They are setting us up to try and achieve unrealistic goals.

They may have a nanny from day one. They may have someone preparing healthy meals for them, they may have a personal trainer, they have make up artists to hide the bags under their eyes and they have photographs taken professionally in order to look the best they can. All because they are a brand!

Here’s a bit more to think about. To start a postnatal exercise routine you need to build up gradually. By doing too much too soon and impacting your recovery after GROWING a BABY for the best part of a year AND bringing your baby into the world you could do yourself harm.

The fourth trimester (12 weeks after birth) are a time for healing and bonding. Low impact exercise such as walking or swimming is great if you can manage it.

At four months whilst you may be able to do more exercise you are still experiencing the effects or relaxin and so are at risk of strain or injury. Regular exercise is ok between 4-6 months however again pre pregnancy exercise should only be in full swing from six months postnatally. This is if you’re not exhausted by sleepless nights and days and being on call 24X7 for a tiny human…

👆Note: This is pre pregnancy exercise, so what your body was used to before you were pregnant! This is not about doing a load of stuff you haven’t done before…

If you deplete your body before it’s healed from pregnancy and childbirth there is evidence to suggest it could impact your future reproductive health. Even if you’re on your last child going crazy trying to get back to how you once were could impact you in menopause! Whilst that may seem a long way off lets not dismiss how logical it seems that not to look after our reproductive health and recovery could have a knock on effect later down the line. You wouldn’t build a house on rocky foundations so why your future health?

It takes a full year for your body, spine, skeleton and large muscles to fully recover from pregnancy. So think hard about the importance of Your Brand Vs Your Postnatal Health.

I empathise with Mothers in the public eye, the pressure they must be under and the image they have to portray. Often we hear celebrity talk long after about how much they struggled at the time. So as always look beyond the images, there is often another story we don’t know about….

Just sayin’

Xx

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My Lucky Star

Before I fell pregnant with my eldest son my husband and I had just decided to put down some roots in Shropshire after 14 months of travelling. We had an online business which we’d been running as we travelled, it was pretty amazing.

As soon as we decided to live in Shropshire our work strangely dried up, I was planning on joining the corporate world again anyway, (working with your husband 24X7 isn’t always great for your relationship!) however, with real monthly commitments again we were a little anxious.  More so when after three weeks I became pregnant, we were nowhere near ready, no friends nearby, no stable income, a new home, however I decided to call this baby “Our Luck” and when I got a new job at three months pregnant this cemented my belief.

In actual fact the best luck we had was being in the right place at the right time when my son had a medical emergency at three days old.  We were incredibly lucky to still be in hospital and to have such amazing care.

The start I had with this precious boy though would feel anything but lucky again for some time after.

Many people that know me will know I don’t shy away from talking about my post natal depression, at the time though I hid it very very well.  On the outside I looked like I was coping amazingly, I remember NCT friends coming over and I’d made them all home made soup, my house was immaculate.  At that point my husband was working during the week in Dublin (and he had been from the point of our son being six weeks old).  I was flying solo during the week and doing airport runs Sunday and Friday nights.

I should not have been coping but I was.  Looking back I was in survival mode and business mode, everything was a practical thing I had to manage.  I was also determined to combat baby brain and make use of my time off work, trying to learn French from some CDs I’d borrowed from the library and I also dabbled in a bit of Greek mythology!  Yes, I am a bit random at times!

I was not spending any time connecting or bonding with my son.  This wasn’t really possible when I didn’t actually feel anything in my heart.  The only fun thing I enjoyed with him was a Baby Yoga class.  I tried a sensory class but felt like I stood out and was different to everyone else there.  I couldn’t wait to get back to work and I went back full time when he was 8 months old.  I’d applied for a promotion whilst on maternity leave so was taking on a lot more responsibility, it was nothing really I hadn’t done before in my career so it wasn’t daunting and I couldn’t wait to get stuck into something I could do, something I KNEW I was good at.

I felt that I had nothing positive to offer my baby and was much better in my management role than in the role of a mother.

Perhaps I was in denial my life had changed too…

This went on for months and months, I knew something wasn’t right then I’d bounce back a bit then sink a little lower, bounce back slightly and sink further still into this heavy darkness.  His first birthday was a reliving of all the events that had happened around his birth, my experience of birth and the scary start we had at only days old.  After his first birthday I can almost recall the physical feeling of spiralling at great speed into dark dark depression.  Like being in a pit or a cave with no light around you, suffocating with no way out…

I felt that coming back to the South East would be the answer, I wanted to be nearer old friends that knew me for years and I wanted the support of my husband’s family near by.  When we planned to leave Shropshire I was relieved and hanging by a thread and just starting to admit there was a problem and I needed to do something about it.

Our lucky star was 18 months old.  I still couldn’t see the joy he was, I felt trapped, I didn’t appreciate his achievements or milestones, I did not see the shine in his eyes, his laughter did not cause any emotion in me at all, there was no happiness for me in any of it.

18 months is a long time to not feel anything, to hide it all behind fake smiles and platitudes, I followed the lead of what people expected me to say meaning absolutely none of it and feeling numb.

Post Natal Depression took me to the darkest part of myself.  The world was heavy and on my shoulders.  I couldn’t see that my child gave me more reasons to live than not.  I could only see how much better off my child and husband would be without me.  I didn’t believe I could add any value to my child’s life, I know now that I was wrong and that was the depression not me, but at the time it felt very real.

I nearly walked away from it all.  I was very close.

Fortunately when I was at breaking point we were staying with my in laws whilst waiting for our house to be available.  One morning before logging on for work I had a complete breakdown.  My mother in law said quite simply “This isn’t like you at all is it? Do you want to see a doctor?”  I replied “I can’t make any decisions!” and burst into tears again.  She called her doctor and from there things improved with a few bumps in the road.

It’s not that I’d not sought some help before but I was convinced I could do it myself or with the help of much trusted alternative therapies.  This wasn’t enough for me on this occasion.  I shouldn’t have suffered as much as I did for as long as I did.

Now going back to My Lucky Star, his very arrival has since shaped my future, shaped my new career, shaped my beliefs about what women deserve, what women may need as new mothers.  He is the reason that I have made it MY BUSINESS to stop more women falling down the pit of despair, or be weighed down by heavy darkness.  I’m not just here to support women with PND, I’m here to support every mother that crosses my path.

If it wasn’t for My Lucky Star I wouldn’t have discovered my true purpose in life.  He has taught me so much and he is one of my greatest teachers, he is and always will be My Lucky Star.

With all my heart and more I can say I love him deeply and unconditionally, I feel totally connected to him and we have a very special bond, he doesn’t realise how special he is and how because of him and our journey together I endeavour to help less mothers struggle.

I feel now that I have so much to offer him, I’m sure I’ll get stuff wrong BUT I am proud of my journey and proud of my relationship with him.  I am proud of every single woman that has experienced PND and has beaten it and I wish for anyone suffering now to know that they too can feel the love and connection in time.  They too can feel happiness and love in their heart again.

They can feel like themselves again.

People that struggle with their mental health at any time of their life need to know it does not define us or our abilities as a mother or parent.

With Love

Clare

Xx

#MothersSupportingMothers

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Beating Post Natal Depression

It’s an important milestone for me this week.  My youngest is 18 months old and I can confidently, categorically state I have beaten Post Natal Depression, as in THIS TIME it did NOT get me!

I feel so fortunate and relieved and proud.  PND does not discriminate, yet I was determined to do whatever I could and leave as little as possible to chance.  I prepared and immersed myself in achieving a positive birth and a positive start second time round.  Now I want to share everything I did.  This isn’t a guarantee, however, anyone that has suffered with depression in the past will no doubt like me want to do what they can to keep it away, especially at such a special time in our lives as a mother with a new baby.

It may seem like a lot of preparation but after missing the first 18 months my first borns life, time I will never get back and that fuels me to help women have a better start than I did.  I wouldn’t wish difficult times on any mother, I wouldn’t wish PND on my worst enemy and I believe you can’t put a price on good health.  Especially when its your own.

Here it is:

PRENATALLY

  1. I practiced self care in pregnancy, ensuring I took time out to take care of myself, I knew nurturing myself would allow the right hormones to flow and I would connect and bond with my baby.  Reiki, reflexology, pregnancy relaxation, massage were some of the therapies I had.
  2. Metamorphic technique – This breaks the cycle of my mothers pregnancy and my birth (my mother was grieving the loss of her father), my mothers birth and the first birth experience I had with my first son.  Little bit “woo” but I’m sure I felt something in me let go, amazing!
  3. Through my recent re-training to learn what I do now I understood my bodies capabilities far better, I had confidence and knowledge.  I prepared my body and mind for a positive birth.
  4. I had counselling to help me deal with guilt I still felt about having PND, guilt about the kind of detached mother I believed I was and guilt over what I had put my husband through.  Not everyone will need this however this helped me significant!  I realised I did the best I could at the time and I forgave myself as much as I could.
  5. I took time to connect with my baby, Pregnancy Yoga helped with this, I spoke to him, I touched my tummy lots, I visualised him as part of our family.
  6. I ate healthy foods
  7. I exercised regularly and as well as pregnancy yoga I walked and swam.

** I prepared more for my babies arrival than I did for my wedding day!  I took it seriously, only someone who knows what a crappy birth and start to motherhood is like will understand why I was so determined.  It shouldn’t be like this for us to take better care of ourselves! **

POSTNATALLY

  1. Postnatally I knew I would ask for help if I needed it and I certainly wouldn’t wait for months and months like I had before.  I knew if I was ok then my family would be ok.
  2. I prepared healthy meals for the first few weeks
  3. I brought a sling to use so that we could have plenty of skin to skin in the early days and weeks
  4. I took pressure off myself regarding feeding and opted to bottle feed from the moment he was born.  There were several reasons for this including sharing the night feeds so if I was exhausted I could get sleep.  It was absolutely the right decision for us.
  5. Having an established support network of other women going through pregnancy and the first milestones was priceless.  Also my support network was made up of people that had supported me in pregnancy and I made sure I was aware of the local groups available that could help me if I was struggling at any point.
  6. Even though I know and teach baby massage I booked a baby massage course to attend myself, I booked this whilst I was still pregnant so I could do it as soon as possible.  I know just how beneficial baby massage is for mum and baby, skin to skin contact, bonding, hormones etc so it was a must for me to dedicate quality time with my new baby without distractions.
  7. I had appreciation and understanding of the fourth trimester.  This concerns our hormones, our healing and how I nurtured myself and bonded with my baby, I knew this time could impact my long term physical and mental wellbeing.
  8. FINALLY – Placenta encapsulation.  I would recommend this to every single woman, it helps with our healing, stabilising our hormones, helps milk supply come in much quicker, helps with energy levels when you’re exhausted and so much more, it’s mother natures powerful healer.

So this is everything!

I hope this reaches women that need it or can benefit from it in some way.  Please share with any pregnant women or new mothers, knowledge of how we can help ourselves could reduce the shocking perinatal mental health statistics.

With love,

Clare

Xx